


A Case of Mistaken Identity

by CandyQueenAO3



Category: Good Omens (TV), Good Omens - Neil Gaiman & Terry Pratchett
Genre: AMAB Crowley, Alternate Universe - Human, Aziraphale Loves Crowley (Good Omens), Crowley Loves Aziraphale (Good Omens), Established Relationship, F/M, Family, Fluff, FtM Trans Aziraphale, Genderfluid Crowley (Good Omens), Happy Ending, He/Him Pronouns For Aziraphale (Good Omens), He/Him Pronouns For Crowley (Good Omens), Humor, Implied Sexual Content, Light Angst, M/M, Misunderstandings, POV Outsider, She/Her Pronouns for Crowley (Good Omens), The Dowlings are Good People in This Fic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-06-28
Updated: 2020-06-28
Packaged: 2021-03-04 04:34:17
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 7,974
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24957679
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/CandyQueenAO3/pseuds/CandyQueenAO3
Summary: William is the newest butler at the Dowling Mansion.  While on his first day, he meets the lovely Lilith Ashtoreth Crowley who shows him around and introduces herself as Warlock's nanny.  He also meets the gardener, Francis.When William sees Francis flirting with with the MARRIED Nanny Ashtoreth, then later meets Francis's husband Anthony, the dreadful suspicion that the gardener is a HOMEWRECKER starts to take root in his mind...
Relationships: Aziraphale/Crowley (Good Omens), Nanny Ashtoreth/Brother Francis (Good Omens)
Comments: 45
Kudos: 262
Collections: Ixnael’s Recommendations, Ixnael’s SFW corner





	1. Introductions Made

**Author's Note:**

  * For [PepNpaps](https://archiveofourown.org/users/PepNpaps/gifts).



> This was a fic request for one of my readers, PepNpaps. I hope this is suitable for you, my dear!

William straightened the lapels of his uniform as he climbed out of his car and marched up the long, winding walkway to the manor of Thaddeus Dowling, Ambassador. Upon climbing the first few steps to the massive entryway, the double doors were flung open to greet him and a middle-aged woman stepped out.

She was tall and thin, dressed in casual, comfortable-looking clothes that hung off her narrow frame with a red jacket to ward off the autumn chill. Her long, auburn hair fell in waves past her shoulders and she looked at William with recognition sparking in her amber-colored eyes.

“You must be the new butler,” she said as he approached. “William, was it?”

William inclined his head in greeting. “Indeed. And you, Miss…?”

The woman held up her left hand, showing off her gold band glinting in the sun. 

_ “Mrs.,  _ actually. Mrs. Lilith Ashtoreth Crowley. But you can call me Lilith, or Nanny Ashtoreth - Warlock certainly does,” she said with an uptick of her mouth.

“Oh! Pardon me, Mrs. Crowley. I didn’t mean to assume,” William replied, feeling a touch embarrassed. “If you’re Warlock’s nanny, I was supposed to meet you today. Mr. Dowling said you’d offer me a tour of the grounds before I started my first shift?”

“Yup,” Lilith popped the ‘P’. “Follow me, new kid. I just set Warlock down for his nap so we’ve got an hour before I have to get back to him.” She set off for the side of the manor at a brisk pace, her long legs forcing William to almost jog in order to keep up. “We’re going to cut through the garden to reach the employee entrance near the back.”

William nodded politely and almost collided with Lilith when she came to an abrupt stop halfway there. 

Her face lit up. “Francis!”

William peered around her. A man, broad-shouldered and almost a full head shorter than Lilith kneeled in the dirt of a flower bed. He was dressed simply in work jeans and a long-sleeved shirt with stained gardening gloves on his hands. He wiped his brow with the back of his hand, leaving behind a streak of mud directly below the line of his white-blonde hair. The man turned to face Lilith and William, baby blue eyes widening in delight.

“Ah, good afternoon, Lilith! You came by just in time!” Francis stood up, dusting his hands off on his jeans, before striding over to her, producing a small red flower from his pocket as he did so. He tucked it behind Lilith’s ear and pecked her on the cheek. “I saved the loveliest bloom for the loveliest woman.”

_ “Francis!”  _ Lilith chided, smacking his chest playfully. “You  _ know  _ I’m a married woman!”

Francis chuckled and took a step back, hands raised in a gesture of surrender.

“Indeed I do. Your husband is the  _ luckiest  _ man in the world,” he said with a smile.

Lilith turned almost as red as her hair, then tugged William away by his sleeve, grumbling something about flirtatious gardeners the entire way. The new butler craned his head backwards to look at Francis one more time before he entered the manor with his guide. The blonde, middle-aged man waved his left hand and William could  _ clearly  _ see that he wore no ring on his finger. An uncomfortable thought began taking root in his chest.

“Who, um… who was that?”

“Francis. He’s the gardener for the entire grounds,” Lilith answered. Her eyes were trained stubbornly ahead, though her blush had faded.

“Is he… does he make you uncomfortable?” William asked. “Should I tell him to bugger off or something?”

Lilith rounded on him suddenly, her amber eyes blazing with anger. “Why would he make me uncomfortable? I swear to  _ Somebody  _ if you’re  _ another  _ one of those people who thinks that he’s ugly just because he has a slightly crooked jaw I’m going to-”

“Whoa! Whoa! Whoa!” William yelped, unconsciously mirroring Francis’s gesture from before. “I didn’t even  _ notice  _ his jaw! I just wanted to make sure his flirting wasn’t making you uncomfortable!”

Lilith’s aggressive posture softened somewhat, but it didn’t completely go away. She shook her head.

“No. It doesn’t make me uncomfortable at all. For future reference, I’d suggest you refrain from commenting on other people’s behavior if you hope to keep your job here,”

William hung his head in shame.

“Yes, Mrs. Crowley. I’m sorry,” he mumbled.

“Eh, ‘s alright, kid. You’ve got plenty of time to learn,” Lilith replied, clapping him on the shoulder. “Now come on; let me introduce you to the kitchen staff.”


	2. Ares

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> William is introduced to Francis's daughter, Ares.

Several days later, William stood in the manor’s entryway, fiddling with the cuffs on his sleeve. A few minutes ago his walkie-talkie had gone off and he’d answered it to find that the gate guard was informing him that an “important” guest was arriving and to please greet her at the door.

Presently, he stood prim and ready to welcome whoever this mysterious individual was. Instead of ringing the doorbell like a  _ proper  _ guest, however, the person simply banged on the door as hard as they could. __ William squeaked and darted forward to answer it.

A woman stood on the stoop, dressed in army fatigues. Her scarlet hair was cropped close to her head, and she stared at him through unimpressed eyes the color of steel. She stood eye-level with him, though appeared to only be in her early-to-mid twenties compared to William’s thirty. The woman looked him up and down.

“You’re not Old Deacon,” she stated matter-of-factly. “Where is he?”

“Retired. I’m his replacement,”

Deacon Cunningham had been the Dowling Manor butler for thirty years before retiring. He had suggested his nephew, William, as a prime candidate to take his place and the rest, they say, was history.

The red-headed woman hummed thoughtfully and glanced around the entryway.

“Damn,” she said. “I must have been in service longer than I thought. Are my parent-”

_ “ARES!” _

William flinched and spun on his heels and the woman, Ares, allowed a small smile to creep across her face. Harriet Dowling, the wife of William’s employer, was practically  _ sprinting  _ towards them, despite holding toddler Warlock in her arms. Normally, Lilith was the one seen running about the halls with the boy, but she’d had the day off.

Ares spread her own arms in greeting and enveloped the older woman in a tight hug, mindful of the child.

“Harriet! It’s so  _ good  _ to see you again!” Ares stepped back and bent down to smile at Warlock, who hid his face in his mother’s shoulder. “And hello to you too, little guy. Last I saw you, you were just a clump of cells in your momma’s tummy.” She glanced up at Harriet. “What did you decide to name him?”

Harriet beamed proudly. “Warlock.”

Ares’s face fell.

“Really?” she deadpanned. “‘Warlock’? I thought you and Thaddeus had settled on Augustus.”

“The nuns at the convent I gave birth in said Warlock sounded better,” Harriet replied with a shrug.

Ares made a face like she still thought it was a dumb name, but didn’t say anything else. She straightened back up.

“Are my parents in?” she asked, looking around as if expecting them to magically appear. “Neither of them know I’m here and I wanted to surprise them.”

“It’s just Francis today,” Harriet answered.

William did a double-take, his head spinning from the speed of it. “Wait… Francis is your  _ father?!” _

Ares and Harriet  _ both  _ arched an eyebrow at him in perfect synchronization. 

“Yep,” Ares said proudly. “I have his eyes, though I look more like my…” 

She turned to Harriet who answered her wordless question with, “Dad, today.”

“Gotcha,” Ares said to her friend, shooting her a finger-gun gesture. She looked back at William. “I look more like my dad, Anthony.”

William furrowed his brow in slight confusion. These past few days he had become  _ well aware  _ of Francis’s attraction to the  _ married  _ (if incredibly lovely) Lilith, but until this moment he hadn’t been aware that the man was  _ himself  _ in a relationship - and with a  _ daughter  _ to boot! 

William was brought back to the present by Ares snapping her fingers in front of his face. 

“Hey, new guy, be a dear and tell Francis that there’s a guest asking for him, but  _ don’t  _ tell him it’s me,” she ordered, pausing for a moment to let her directions sink in.

William wanted to tell this somewhat rude woman that she wasn’t his boss, but he had been trained well by his uncle, and he plastered on a sunny “customer service” smile.

“Absolutely, ma’am,” he said, and bowed low.

***~*~*~*~***

It was always easy to find Francis; just follow the sounds of hedge trimmers or the smell of fresh-cut flowers. In a pinch, muddy footprints would work as well. 

William followed said footprints (brushing past a grumbling maid as he did so) and out into the garden where Francis was leaning against the side of the manor, talking into his phone. The butler  _ knew  _ it was impolite to eavesdrop, but, well…

He’d had suspicions for some time that Francis was a  _ homewrecker  _ with how much he flirted with the beautiful Mrs. Crowley. What he’d discovered today with Ares only further cemented the nefarious gardener’s reputation in his mind. 

William pressed himself against the corner, his ears straining to catch whatever he could of Francis’s conversation.

“How’s your day been so far?” Francis asked whomever was on the other end of the line. William could make out a small, tinny voice, but not the words it was speaking. Francis suddenly turned bright red and he dropped his voice to such a low whisper that William barely heard it. “You are a  _ terrible fiend,  _ Anthony! You’re lucky I love you so much…”

Before he could stop himself, William let out a scandalized gasp. Francis, unfortunately, heard him and said into the phone, “I’ll have to call you back in a moment, my love. I believe young William wants to speak with me. I’ll see you when I get home tonight. Love you.”

He hung up and tucked the phone into his apron pocket before jovially greeting the butler. “Hello, my boy, is there something you need?”

“Yes,” William answered. “There’s a woman at the front door who wishes to speak with you. She… said it was urgent.”

Before Francis could inquire further, thus ruining the surprise, William spun on his heel to escort him inside the manor. Outwardly, the younger man was calm. Inwardly, he was  _ seething! _

How  _ dare  _ Francis cheat on his boyfriend (husband?) by attempting to seduce Mrs. Crowley!

***~*~*~*~***

William bowed at the waist and gestured for Francis to walk in front of him to enter the parlor.

The gardener huffed in annoyance, but did so.  _ “Really,  _ young man, I don’t understand why you’re being so secretive? I’m not a very big fan of… surprises…”

Francis’s words trailed off when he locked eyes with his daughter, who stood there with a wobbly smile and watery eyes. “Hey, papa…” Ares whispered.

Francis clapped both hands over his mouth and sunk to his knees with a sob. Ares was instantly at his side, gathering her trembling father into her muscular arms and rocking him back and forth.

“How… when did you get back?” Francis wept, smiling widely despite his tears. “And how long are you staying?”

“I  _ literally  _ got back this morning,” Ares laughed, squeezing him tighter. “I got off the plane and drove straight here to surprise you. I have two weeks before I need to return to active service.”

“Oh that’s  _ wonderful  _ news, my darling little spitfire,” Francis said, allowing himself to be pulled to his feet. “We simply  _ must  _ go see your father right away! Harriet, would you mind if-”

“Not at all, old friend. You two go see Anthony. Hell, take the next two weeks off and spend that time together,” Harriet sniffled, discreetly wiping her eyes using the top of Warlock’s head.

“What would I do without you, my dear girl?” Francis sighed with immeasurable fondness.

“Come  _ on,  _ papa!” Ares stressed, tugging on his arm. “Let’s go surprise dad! I was thinking that I could hide in the trunk and you could tell him that you need him to get groceries out of it or something and then I jump out and-”

Francis tutted and wagged his finger. “Don’t you  _ dare,  _ missy!” he scolded with a disapproving frown. “You did that  _ last year  _ and he almost had a heart attack!”

William watched Ares throw back her head with a wicked cackle that reminded him somewhat of Mrs. Crowley as she pulled her father out the front door by his sleeve.


	3. Lilith "Confronts" Francis

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Francis returns to work after Ares returns overseas, and William notes that Lilith doesn't seem happy about that...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Quick Note: In the Language of Flowers, Aurum Lilies mean "Ardour", Spanish Jasmine means "Sensuality", Peach Blossoms mean, "I am Your Captive", and Dog Roses mean "Pleasure/Pain" (depending on the context).

To William’s (and the rest of the staff’s) chagrin, neither Harriet  _ nor  _ Thaddeus hired any temporary help to cover for Francis’s impromptu vacation. Therefore, the gardening work had to be divvied up between the remaining members of staff. As if being a butler  _ already  _ wasn’t busy enough,  _ now  _ William had to contend with the  _ sprawling  _ estate grounds and the keeping thereof. If he weren’t so convinced that Francis was a no-good, dirty scoundrel, he’d have been impressed with the older man’s work ability.

When Francis finally returned after fourteen days, the gardener was downcast and quiet (moreso than usual), no doubt due to his daughter’s departure. Relieved that he could return to his  _ regularly-assigned  _ duties, William had gone to chat up Mrs. Crowley (he’d been so busy these past few weeks that he hadn’t seen her once), only to find Warlock’s nanny in a grumpy, petulant mood. For several days since Francis’s return, she had been downright snappish with everyone outside of Thaddeus, Harriet, Warlock, and, surprisingly, Francis himself.

For William, this only served to prove his point about the gardener’s wickedness. Mrs. Crowley had no doubt been  _ enjoying  _ this reprieve from her tormentor and was now forced to once again “make nice” with him.

As the butler peered through the windows into the garden below, watching Francis offer Mrs. Crowley an  _ entire bouquet  _ this time (he recognized some of the flowers as Arum Lilies, Spanish Jasmine, Peach Blossoms, and a single Dog Rose), he made up his mind.

He needed to get Francis fired.

***~*~*~*~***

Step One of William’s “Get Francis the Gardener Fired so Nanny Ashtoreth Will be Safe From Him” plan involved breaking into the shed at the edge of the property where Francis kept his supplies and tools (as well as where he liked to spend time during his break). William surmised that there had to be  _ something  _ potentially incriminating behind the wooden door that was always kept locked. 

Perhaps there was something like a weird, Helga Pataki-esque shrine to the woman made out of mulch that he could heroically brandish before his employers. As William knelt before the door, prepared to give picking the lock that good ol’ College Try, he let his mind wander to his moment of triumph.

He pictured presenting his evidence to Harriet and Thaddeus while Francis wept bitter tears as he was hauled off the grounds by security. He imagined Lilith swooning dramatically and maybe even rewarding him with a kiss on the cheek…

William’s blush quickly disappeared when he noticed that the shed door was  _ already unlocked.  _ He rejoiced inwardly; the foolish gardener must have forgotten to lock it! William stood up and quietly pushed the door open, bracing himself for whatever horrors lay beyond.

He’d expected pervy photographs tacked on the wall, a clump of Lilith’s hair resting on a velvet cushion, or something equally as gruesome.

He did  _ not  _ expect to see Francis pinned against the wall by Lilith, one of her hands fisted into the lapels of his shirt and the other slammed to the wall beside his head.

“You think you were  _ really sneaky  _ with those flowers, huh?” she hissed.

“W-whatever do you mean, my dear?” Francis whimpered, no doubt  _ terrified  _ by his would-be prey’s sudden show of strength and power.

William knew,  _ morally,  _ he should step in and prevent Lilith from beating the gardener into a pulp.

Morality, however, could go hang as far as William was concerned.

He allowed himself a smug, secretive smile and left, closing the door behind him with barely a sound. As he strolled jauntily away, whistling a cheery tune under his breath he heard Francis wail.

It only served to widen his grin.

Perhaps  _ now  _ Francis would leave Mrs. Crowley alone for  _ good. _

***~*~*~*~***

That afternoon William noticed that, after her confrontation with Francis, Lilith walked with her usual confident swagger boosted to 11 and that cocksure grin of hers once again present. Francis, for his part, just drifted aimlessly throughout the rest of his day with a distant, dazed look in his eyes and a litany of bruises on his throat and collar that he kept rucking up his shirt to hide.

Inwardly, William was pleased.

Mrs. Crowley must have  _ strangled  _ the dumb sod!


	4. The Truth Comes Out

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> William discovers he may have pegged Francis all wrong.

It was a week later, and Nanny Ashtoreth once again had the day off. William was a little disappointed that he wouldn’t be working with her, but he was glad she got to have some time to herself and her mystery husband.

In his mind’s eye, William pictured someone similar to Mrs. Crowley: tall, lean, maybe someone with dark hair and a stern, serious personality. 

William was jolted back to the present when the manor’s front doors nearly shook in their frame from the sound of a hand banging on them. He briefly wondered if it was Ares coming back for another visit, but that made little sense considering she was still currently stationed overseas.

William put all thoughts of soldiers out of his mind, and answered the door.

A man was standing on the stoop. 

He looked to be mid-forties to early fifties, with long, crimson hair done up in a messy bun. His narrow hips were cocked out at an angle, and his face was mostly hidden by a pair of dark shades. He was clad in a simple black henley and matching black jeans. On his left hand, a plain gold band glinted in the sun (it looked just like Mrs. Crowley’s!). In his other hand, the man clutched a bag of takeaway. 

The newcomer wasn’t saying anything, so William felt compelled to speak first.

“M-may I help you, sir?” the butler asked, slightly baffled by this stranger’s sudden appearance. The gate guard hadn’t informed William of his arrival, as he was  _ supposed  _ to do whenever there were unapproved personnel approaching the manor!

The redheaded man scoffed and, although William couldn’t see it, rolled his eyes. “Come  _ on,  _ kid. You  _ know  _ me.”

“I’m afraid I do not, sir,” William huffed, only a pinch angrily. “Please inform me as to who you are and what business you have at the Dowling Estate.”

The other man looked at him in plain disbelief, then a grin that reminded William  _ far  _ too much of when Lilith was about to pull a prank on the rest of the staff, crept across his face. The butler would have described it as  _ snake-like. _

The unknown man pushed his sunglasses higher up on his face, then held out his hand. “The name’s Anthony. I’m Francis’s husband. I came to bring him lunch.”

William managed to disguise his sharp gasp as him clearing his throat. He took Anthony’s hand in his own gloved one and shook it.

“A… a pleasure to meet you, Anthony,” he said nervously. “I didn’t know you were married to our gardener. It certainly makes sense why the guard would let you in.”

Anthony looked away and mumbled, “Among other reasons…” then pulled his hand away. “I’m assuming that sentient marshmallow I call my husband is out on the grounds?”

“O-of course!” William answered, metaphorically hopping to attention. “Would you like me to take you there?”

Anthony simply waved him off. “Nah, I know the way. Thanks, kid.”

He moved to walk down the corridor towards the back of the manor, when William stopped him with a hand on his shoulder.

“Ah, forgive my rudeness sir, but…” William swallowed. He  _ needed  _ to bring up Francis’s attempted infidelity to the man, but he wasn’t quite sure of the best way of doing so. He knew that being blunt and upfront would most likely have Anthony reacting in anger, and stubborn refusal to see the truth. No, William would have to be  _ careful.  _ “Are you familiar with a woman named Lilith Crowley?”

Nothing was said for a moment.

Then the corner of Anthony’s mouth twitched and he made a subtle “snrk” noise, before giving William a smile.

“Yeah. I know her. She works with Francis as Warlock’s nanny,” the bespectacled man answered.

William relaxed a little. If Anthony knew who she was, that made breaking the awful news a bit easier. He continued his gentle questioning.

“Does Francis ever… talk about her to you?” he asked, letting his hand slip from Anthony’s shoulder.

“On occasion,” Anthony replied, glancing back at him, a sour turn on his expression. “What’s it matter to  _ you?”  _

William stepped back, suddenly keenly aware that Anthony seemed to be the jealous, maybe even (Heaven forbid) the  _ possessive  _ type. Telling him of Francis’s infidelity suddenly got a  _ lot  _ trickier.

“It doesn’t matter anything to  _ me,”  _ William stated, his tone even and polite. “I was just… curious.”

He could practically  _ feel  _ Anthony’s eyes narrowing suspiciously behind his shades. Then he sighed.

“Yeah. I don’t blame you for being curious about him. Francis is…  _ incredible.  _ He’s done and been through  _ so much  _ and I… Lilith and I don’t deserve him,” he said wistfully, face turned slightly upwards.

William frowned, his mask of professionalism gone. “Forgive me for saying so, Anthony, but have you considered that Francis doesn’t deserve  _ either of you?”  _

Anthony rounded on him so fast that William momentarily went stumbling back. The redhead’s mouth was curled in a furious sneer and he pointed at him with a finger that he no doubt wished were a knife. “You take that  _ back!”  _ he snarled. “My angel is worth a  _ thousand  _ of me! And  _ ten thousand  _ of  _ you!” _

Anthony spun back on his heels and marched away, footsteps thundering in the silence of the manor’s halls. William swallowed and adjusted his tie.

It would seem that poor Anthony would not be able to be convinced of his husband’s  _ awful  _ nature…

***~*~*~*~***

William entered Thaddeus’s office and handed the American Ambassador his post, who accepted it gratefully. “Thank you, Will. How about you take a half-day? I’m not expecting anyone to come by for the rest of the afternoon.”

“Thank you, sir,” William said. He bowed, before departing.

As he passed through the main corridor of the manor, he glanced out one of the open floor-to-ceiling windows that lined the hall. It offered him an unobstructed view into the garden, all the way to the tree-line at the edge of the property. He rested his elbows on the sill and inhaled the scent of autumn leaves carried on the wind. Another month, and it would be winter. Despite this, the day was unseasonably warm, and the sun shone brightly overhead in a cloudless sky.

Beyond the window, past the rose bushes that lined the exterior walls of the manor, William could see Anthony and Francis standing several paces apart, facing one another. William sighed in frustration.

He had to admit, the confrontation between him and Anthony a few hours ago had  _ not  _ gone according to plan.

_ “That went down like a lead balloon,”  _ he could practically hear Lilith saying in his head.

William continued watching as Anthony and Francis circled one another. The butler listened to their conversation.

“Come  _ oooonnn,  _ angel! How long has it been since we last sparred?”

_ “You  _ are a  _ fiend _ and a tempter, Anthony J. We aren’t the young men we once were,”

“You’re acting like we’re ninety and in a hospital bed,” Anthony rebutted, his arms spread wide. He suddenly whipped off his shirt, almost dislodging his sunglasses as he did so, revealing an expanse of flat, toned chest. A  _ massive  _ tattoo in the shape of a black serpent wound its way across his torso, the tail end disappearing somewhere under his jeans. “We’re still in our  _ prime!  _ Come on!”

Francis looked apprehensive. He ran a hand across his jaw, and Anthony’s shoulders slumped a little. The redhead held out a hand to his husband. “Hey, angel, if it’s too much…”

Francis gave him an appreciative look. “No, it’s fine, dearest,” he said eventually. “You have a point. I used to  _ love  _ my fights. I shouldn’t let myself get rusty.”

Saying so, he undid the three buttons on his pink polo shirt (here, Anthony made a little “ngk!” sound) and pulled his over his head, fluffing up his white curls into a messy riot.

Francis’s chest was broader than Anthony’s but softer. He had a bit of tummy, but that looked less “squishy” and more “solid”. His body was pockmarked with various scars, along with two crescent-shaped ones, so light as to be barely noticeable, curved upwards towards his sternum a few inches beneath his nipples. Francis rolled his shoulders, and tilted his head side-to-side. William winced at the crackling noises it made.

The blonde gardner spread his legs, his body angled towards his husband, and lifted his fists up to around shoulder-level. “Are you ready, my love?”

_ “Always  _ ready to get my hands on that gorgeous body of yours, angel,” Anthony declared.

And then he struck.

Anthony leapt forward, swinging out with a clumsy right-hook. Francis easily side-stepped it, instead coming up behind Anthony to loop his left arm around the redhead’s neck at the inner elbow and grab his wrist with the other. Anthony, however, was lithe and quick, and was able to squirm out of Francis’s attempted headlock to grab his thigh in an effort to unseat him.

It worked, and Francis found himself landing on his back, with Anthony straddling his chest. “Do you surrender?”

Francis then performed a maneuver that was too fast for William to follow, and Anthony somehow ended up on his stomach in the dirt, his sunglasses somehow still in place, with his right arm yanked out straight behind him. The blonde atop him lowered his head to whisper something in his ear and Anthony went beet-red.

Francis pulled away with a smug smirk. “Do you submit, dearest?”

“For now. But you are going to  _ pay  _ for this insult, Francis,” Anthony retorted, his free hand clawing at the dirt below.

William had seen enough.

He staggered away from the window with a hand clapped over his mouth as he fought down a wave of nausea.

It was  _ so much worse  _ than he thought!

Anthony might have been slender, yes, but from the definition on his chest, he’d clearly been  _ strong.  _ Francis, however, had been able to best him in unarmed, close-quarters combat without hardly breaking a  _ sweat!  _

Not only was he a homewrecker, but potentially  _ dangerous  _ as well!

William didn’t bother with decorum as he sprinted back in the direction of his employer’s office, bursting through the doors as he did so and startling the Ambassador into dropping the paper plane he had been folding.

_ “Fuck,  _ Will! You almost gave me a heart attack! I’m too old for these kinds of surprises!” Thaddeus complained loudly, rubbing circles into his own chest.

William slammed his hands down on the older man’s desk.

“I’m sorry, sir, but I  _ cannot  _ allow this to continue any further!”

Thaddeus eyed him warily and gently nudged his “#1 Ambassador” novelty coffee mug (filled with sparkling water but  _ sssh!  _ don’t tell anyone - he was trying to cut back on his caffeine intake) out of range of any more potential hand-slams. “Are you… are you quitting or something?”

_ “What?! No!”  _ William exclaimed in disbelief. “I’m talking about  _ Francis!” _

“Hey now!” Thaddeus puffed up. “I’m an Equal Opportunity Employer and-”

His boss had obviously lost the thread of conversation somewhere so William cut him off with a, “I’m  _ talking  _ about the fact that Francis is trying to cheat on his husband!”

Thaddeus’s face suddenly turned stormy. 

He took a slow sip out of his mug, set it back down, and folded his hands to rest his chin on them. “I want you to know something, Will. That ‘cheater’ is one of my oldest and dearest friends. I was there at his wedding,  _ and  _ for the birth of his daughter. I hope you have some  _ damn good proof  _ of your claims, or I  _ will  _ have you sued for slander.”

William opened and closed his mouth like a fish, blinking dumbly the entire time. Just  _ what  _ was going on?! First Anthony, now his boss, even  _ Mrs. Crowley  _ seemed oddly determined to defend that scumbag!

Admittedly, William didn’t have any concrete evidence beyond what he’d witnessed as well as…

A metaphorical lightbulb went off above his head.

“Ask Nanny Ashtoreth,” he said, then swept his hand out in a wide arc.

“What does  _ she  _ have to do with anything?” Thaddeus asked with a puzzled crumple of his brow.

_ “Everything!”  _ William proffered by way of explanation. “Francis is  _ always  _ flirting with her,  _ despite  _ her being married! And don’t claim he doesn’t know because he  _ does!  _ He’s even called her husband ‘the luckiest man in the world’ and he  _ still  _ gives her flowers and hugs and kisses on the cheek! It’s clear to me that he’s trying to seduce her away from her husband. I know it hurts to hear this, sir, but poor Mrs. Ashtoreth has doubtless been too scared to come forward and risk her job, so I’m doing it  _ for her!” _

He let his declaration hang in the air between them, and now it was Thaddeus’s turn to look like a fish-out-of-water.

The Ambassador cringed, tugging anxiously at his collar. His eyes flickered all across the room, resolutely  _ refusing  _ to look at William, who was eagerly awaiting his boss’s verdict on the situation. Thaddeus dragged his large, broad palms down the front of his face with a groan.

_ “Oh sweet Jesus, you don’t know…”  _ he whispered, with a tinge of nervous desperation in his voice.  _ “Francis, Anthony, I will  _ **_murder_ ** _ you two for putting me in this situation!” _

“Don’t know what?” William asked, drawing himself upright.

Thaddeus fell back against his chair. “Look, it’s not my place to talk about Anthony and Francis’s business. Just…  _ talk to Francis,  _ okay? I  _ promise  _ everything will make more sense if you ask him about it.”

William sputtered, all sense of propriety gone from his mind. “Are you  _ insane?!  _ I  _ just  _ saw Francis wrestling with Anthony in the yard! That gardener could break me in half like a toothpick!”

Thaddeus simply shrugged and sipped his sparkling water again. “Yeah. He boxed throughout college and, a year-and-a-half after Ares was born, he took up professional cage fighting. Although, he’ll snap your neck if you call it that,” He put on a terrible, fussy British accent. “‘ _ Thaddeus,  _ dear boy, it’s called  _ Mixed Martial Arts!’” _

William stumbled away, and Thaddeus didn’t even notice him doing so, so wrapped up in trying to perfect his accent. The butler’s stumbling through the halls turned to stomping turned to  _ storming.  _

_ Fine! If Mr. Dowling wants proof, I’ll  _ **_get him proof!_ **

William fully intended to re-double his efforts, perhaps even sneakily record Francis’s seduction attempts, but when he caught sight of the nefarious gardener walking towards him from the opposite direction, something in him snapped. 

“Hello, William! How are you on this fine afternoon?” Francis greeted.

Before he could stop himself, William seized the shorter man by the front of his  _ stupid  _ pink polo and slammed him bodily against the wall. “Cut the  _ shit,  _ you homewrecker! I’m onto you!”

“W-what? William is… is this some kind of joke?” Francis chortled nervously. His chuckles died down after a moment. “Y… you can’t be  _ serious!”  _

William snarled. “Oh I’m  _ very  _ serious! I’ve been watching you, you know. I know you’re trying to sleep with  _ Mrs.  _ Crowley despite having a husband  _ yourself!  _ And a  _ daughter too!  _ For  _ God’s sake,  _ what is  _ wrong  _ with you?!”

Francis’s eyes widened and he went limp in William’s hold, his powder-blue eyes blown wide in shock. 

“You… you don’t  _ know…” _

“Mark my words,  _ Francis,  _ if you don’t leave Lilith alone so help me, I’ll make sure-”

_ “GET YOUR  _ **_FUCKING_ ** _ HANDS OFF OF HIM!” _

The next thing William was aware of was a pair of thin but strong hands digging into his shoulder and  _ wrenching  _ him away from Francis, who slumped to the floor. The butler was thrown bodily down and Anthony stood there, towering over him.

In the ensuing scuffle, Anthony’s sunglasses had slipped off, uncovering a pair of  _ furious  _ amber eyes. His bun had come undone as well, and his hair hung freely (and somewhat wild) around a now  _ very familiar  _ face.

“L… Lilith?” William stammered.

Anthony winced slightly, then turned to his husband, who sat on the floor looking dazed. 

“Not today, I’m not,” The redhead frantically began checking over Francis, cupping his face in trembling hands. “Are you okay, angel? Did he hurt you? Don’t answer that;  _ of course  _ he hurt you! Little fucker had you pinned to the wall! I swear to  _ Someone,  _ I’ll-”

Francis gave him a trembling smile and let his husband help him to his feet. “I… I’m alright, dearest.”

“I… I didn’t know you and Lilith were the same person, Anthony,” William mumbled in stunned surprise, still seated on the floor. “Nobody told me…”

Francis’s face crumpled and he turned hurt eyes to his husband. “You didn’t  _ tell him?  _ We’ve been working with William for  _ months  _ and you never  _ told him?!” _

“I just- it- I never got the opportunity to and…” Anthony gave him a nervous smile. “...I thought it was funny.”

If Francis looked hurt before, he looked  _ furious  _ now. 

“You… you...  _ bad man!”  _ he snapped. He practically shoved his way past Anthony, who was reaching out desperately to console him. “You let poor William think I was- what?  _ Cheating on my husband with my  _ **_wife_ ** _?!” _

“You didn’t say anything, either,” Anthony mumbled, running his hands through his own hair.

“Because it's not  _ my place to out you!”  _ Francis practically shouted as he power-walked away.

From his spot on the floor, William could see Anthony’s eyes widen in stark terror; the kind people only feel when they’re watching their lives crumble around them. The redhead moved to follow him, but William was quicker, jumping to his feet and grabbing Anthony by the wrist to hold him in place. “Let him go, mate. He needs time to cool down and  _ we  _ need to come up with a good apology.”

Anthony sighed wretchedly, his eyes never leaving his husband’s retreating figure. William bent down to pick up the other man’s sunglasses and passed them back to him. “So… Genderfluid, huh?” he said quietly, in an effort to break the tension.

Anthony swallowed and nodded, fiddling with the hinges of his sunglasses. He leaned against the wall and slid down it until he was seated on his rear, with William doing the same beside him. They sat in semi-companionable silence for a bit, before Anthony finally spoke up.

“‘S the glasses, you know,” he said, then glanced over at the man beside him. “Whenever I’m presenting male, I wear them as an easy way for friends to know without having to ask, even if I’m wearing feminine clothes.”

“That’s an excellent idea. Very clever,” William commended, nodding sagely and trying to pretend that everything was alright and he was simply having a pleasant conversation with his co-worker. All he’d wanted was to protect someone from another someone who he thought was planning to take advantage. He hadn’t wanted to get caught up in marital arguments and mistaken identities.

“I don’t just owe  _ Francis  _ an apology,” Anthony admitted. He hesitated, then said, “I owe you one too, kid. I thought for  _ sure  _ you already knew, but when I realized you didn’t I decided to play a pretty nasty prank on you. Don’t get me wrong, I still think it was fucked up for you to attack my husband but… I can acknowledge my own fault in it, too.”

William extended his hand and awkwardly patted Anthony’s bony shoulder. “It’s okay. I forgive you.”

“God… I hope my angel can forgive me too,” Anthony sniffled, burying his face in his hands.

William looked down the hall to wherever Francis had vanished to, then back in the opposite direction towards the kitchens. Slowly, but surely, a plan was forming. He stood back up and grabbed Anthony by the hands, pulling him up as well.

“Come on. I’ve got an idea,”

***~*~*~*~***

Some time later, Anthony and William stood outside Francis’s gardening shed. William shuffled from foot-to-foot while Anthony anxiously ran his thumb over the corner of a cloth-covered plate. 

“You sure he’s in there?” the butler asked worriedly, eyeing the door as if he could magically peer through it to see beyond.

“Yeah. Definitely,”

Anthony lifted his free hand to rap on the door. Almost immediately Francis answered with a muffled, “Go  _ away,  _ Anthony!”

The redhead stepped forward and rested his forehead against the grainy wood.

“Angel, I… I’m  _ so sorry  _ for what I did. For what  _ we  _ \- William and I, that is - did. I humiliated you, no if’s, and’s, or but’s about it. If you can, please forgive me,”

It was silent for a time and Anthony’s eyes slipped closed. 

Then, from the other side of the door, came the sound of a latch unlocking. Anthony shot William a thumbs-up, who returned it, then the two of them stepped into the darkened shed beyond. 

Francis sat on his workbench, turning a packet of seeds over in his hands and squinting at the small print on the back. He didn’t deign to grace either of his guests with a glance, but the fact that they hadn’t been tossed out on their rears was a good sign. Anthony gently set the covered plate down beside his husband.

“The cook, Robspierre, owed my family a favor,” William said, his ears burning with shame. He shoved his hands in his pockets. “So I got him to teach Anthony his recipe for true Parisian crepes. Consider it an apology gift from us.”

Francis looked down at the plate beside him with poorly-concealed excitement as Anthony whipped off the cloth with a flourish, revealing a stack of chocolate crepes. The gardener’s bottom lip wobbled and he cracked a beaming smile. He lifted watery eyes to his husband’s unconcealed, hopeful ones.

“Consider yourselves forgiven,” Francis whispered softly.

Anthony made a keening little whimper and surged forward to kiss his husband in gratitude and relief. When a pair of hands, well-calloused from years spent gardening, tangled in flame-red hair, William felt the need to step in before he ended up an accidental voyeur.

He cleared his throat. “If… if it’s alright with you two...” he began. “I’d like to get to know you both  _ properly;  _ not as the personas I’ve built up in my head.”

Francis unlatched from his husband’s mouth and placed the plate of crepes in his lap. He scooted over into the center of the workbench, patting both sides of him to indicate that William and Anthony were welcome to join him on his perch.

Anthony sat on his left, arms wrapped around his husband’s firm middle, while William took a seat on his right, leaning on elbows against his knees to listen to their story.

“I first met my beloved Anthony when we were eighteen years old. We’d both just graduated high school and were waiting for our respective parents to pick us up from the graduation ceremony. It was raining, and he had no coat, so I offered him my umbrella…”

William listened to Francis and Anthony’s history in rapt attention.

He learned how it had been love at first sight for the two of them and that they’d gotten married only a year after their first meeting, much to their families’ mutual chagrin. On their honeymoon, they’d both gotten so drunk that Francis was dared to get a tiny unicorn tattoo in a… secret place, and he had done so without a moment’s hesitation, only to wake up the next morning with a massive hangover and a sore arse.

He learned how Francis had struggled with gender dysphoria for some time and decided to transition once he had enough money saved, but accidentally ended up pregnant with Ares before he could complete it. Once she was born, Francis finished his transition and decided to take up a career in Professional Mixed Martial Arts.

William learned how Francis had been all set to take his career to the top when one of his opponents had been a sore loser and attacked him after the referee declared the match over, breaking his jaw and forcing him into a medically-induced coma for a week while his body recovered enough from the catastrophic injury that never quite healed right.

William listened to Anthony explain how he had  _ begged  _ Francis to re-consider his career choice, and Francis did, eventually taking up the position of “Assistant Gardener” while working for his good friend, Thaddeus Dowling. Anthony had already been the Head Gardener for a while until Warlock was born, upon which Harriet offered him the position of Nanny which promoted Francis to the position he currently held.

He found out how, when presenting female, Lilith went by Lilith Ashtoreth Crowley, but Anthony Jay Crowley when presenting male and that Francis’s last name had been Fell before he married and took the Crowley name.  _ (How  _ William had never learned Francis’s last name was a mystery to all three of them).

In addition to their lives, William also learned that Anthony was a  _ devoted  _ parent who had wept like a burst pipe on the day Ares was born and wrote letters to her everyday while she was overseas. William discovered that Francis  _ did  _ have a wedding ring that matched his husband’s, but he kept it on a chain around his neck that he wore under his shirt so he wouldn’t lose it while working in the garden.

By the time the tale was done, all the crepes had been eaten and William’s stomach cramped from how hard he’d been laughing throughout it.

He hopped off the bench, bid Francis and Anthony goodbye, and exited the shed to enjoy the rest of his half-day.

Just as he closed the door behind him, he heard the now-empty plate of crepes shattering on the floor followed immediately by the sounds of  _ furious  _ snogging. 

William picked up his pace.


	5. A Toast

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Everything wraps up nicely.

**One Week Later**

“Happy Halloween, Harriet,” Lilith said as she plonked into the garden chair beside her friend.

Harriet smirked at her for a moment before pointing out, “That’s alliteration.”

Lilith reached over and smacked her on the arm, before turning her gaze outwards towards the rest of the garden.

Several yards away, Warlock was toddling across the ground with Francis following closely behind. The gardener appeared to be trying to get him to hold still while he wrangled him into a duck costume. Judging by the grass stains across Francis’s white turtleneck, he’d already tried and failed several times.

“You and Thad ever think about having another kid?” Lilith asked bluntly, apropos of nothing.

Harriet scoffed, crossing her arms across her chest and leaning back in her chair.

“After the episiotomy I got giving birth to Warlock? My husband’s lucky I even let him  _ look  _ at me anymore,” Her eyebrow quirked up and a smirk crept across her face. “What about you and Francis? Fourty-Five’s not that old.”

“Yeah, but by the time the kid’s fifteen, we’ll be  _ sixty,”  _ Lilith said, crossing one leg across the other in careful nonchalance. “I don’t relish the thought of chasing after a teenager while I’m old enough to have  _ grandkids.” _

“You think Ares will ever settle down and  _ give you  _ said grandkids?” Harriet asked.

“Ha! Knowing my daughter, she’d sooner chew off her own leg,” Lilith cackled. “Besides, Francis and I don’t need any. Ares is still young and we make sure to baby her as much as we can whenever she comes to visit.”

_ “Ahem!” _ William stepped forward through the french doors leading out of the garden, a tray of drinks balanced expertly on one hand. “Can I interest the two most beautiful women of this manor some refreshments?”

“Only if you join us,” Lilith insisted. She took a drink for herself, then shouted across the lawn, “Oi! Angel! Quit bothering our godson and take a break with the rest of us  _ normal  _ folks!”

Francis beamed from where he dangled Warlock upside down in his arms. The toddler shrieked happily and kicked out with his foot, smearing more mud across the gardener’s cheek.

He flipped Warlock right-side-up and set him down on the grass, taking his small hand in one of his larger, calloused ones. “What do you say, Young Master Warlock? Shall we hold off on the Halloween costumes for a bit and go join our family?”

Warlock just babbled and stuck a dirty fist in his mouth. Francis led him back up to the porch, trading him off to his mother in exchange for a drink. He was about to take a sip, when his phone went off in his pocket.

_ War! Huh! Yeah! _

_ What is it good for? _

_ Absolutely nothing! _

“Oh! It’s Ares!” he exclaimed.

Lilith almost spit out her drink in her haste to tell him to  _ answer, damnit! _

Francis did so, and pressed the phone to his ear.

“Happy Halloween, my little firecracker! Coming to wish your mother and father the same?” His face suddenly went slack in surprise, and Lilith fidgeted nervously in her seat. “You… that’s… that’s  _ wonderful!” _

Lilith bit down hard on her bottom lip. “What is it, Francis? What’s going on?”

Her husband held the phone away from himself.

“It’s… Ares’s contract is almost up! She’s opted not to renew for another tour of duty! She won’t be back for Christmas this year, but she’s coming home near the end of February!” Francis announced.

Harriet gasped in delight, William applauded politely, and Warlock burbled.

Lilith went stock-still.

Then, she leapt up with a shout and pulled Francis into an impromptu twirl, sending the phone clattering to the table.

“Our baby girl’s coming home!” she cheered, dragging Francis round and round.

Her husband let himself be pulled into a clumsy waltz across the grass, heedless of Ares’s annoyed voice on the other end of the phone demanding to know where they’d gone. Harriet watched her oldest friends laugh and spin for a moment, before picking the phone up.

“Sorry about that. Your parents are idiots and are currently tearing up my lawn with their awful dancing. I think your father’s trying to rope your mother into a… is that a Gavotte?” she drawled.

Ares snorted, and Harriet could practically  _ hear  _ the way she rolled her eyes.

“Yeah, it probably is. I should know. He did the same thing when I graduated primary school,” Ares sighed.

Soon enough, Lilith and Francis’s two-person Gavotte (if a Gavotte with two people could even be  _ called  _ that) ended and they both clambored for the phone to talk to their daughter for a little bit longer before she had to hang up for the evening.

William watched all the proceedings with a sense of contentment he hadn’t expected to feel when he first arrived at the Dowling Estate. While Lilith eagerly demanded to know if Ares had received her letters, the butler and the gardener locked eyes with each other across the table.

William lifted his drink, Francis did the same, and the two of them clinked glasses in a wordless toast.

It was a toast to forgetting the past.

It was a toast to new beginnings.

It was a toast to the world.

**Author's Note:**

> If you enjoyed this fic, come chitchat with me at candyqueenblog.tumblr.com!


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